HAWAII MISSILE: Donald Trump to Blame As Usual

    Ash Sharp
    Editor

    Donald Trump is all-seeing and all-knowing- if you listen to liberals.

    No wonder they are so scared, Trump is everywhere. This is why when some goober in Hawaii presses the wrong button and informs the islanders they are all about to be incinerated it is the responsibility of The Donald to swoop in like the Batman and save the day.

    It doesn't matter that the false alarm was not issued by any federal or military organization. Never mind that PACOM (who are literally located in Hawaii), NORAD and the Hawaii EMA all said that there was no threat. Publicly.

    As the Washington Post was quick to screech from the rooftops:

    Consider his responses. First that statement, which has one obvious aim: To assure the American people that it wasn’t his fault that the false alert went out — it was Hawaii’s. Then, that tweet, which shows what was preoccupying the president at the moment. Not that one of the 50 states had been briefly wracked with terror after a mistake was made by the people whose job it is to keep them safe.

    The emphasis is mine. Yes, a mistake was made by an employee who managed to ignore the sign that read Do Not Press This Button Unless You Are Sure You Under Missile Attack. If we are being honest, who could resist pushing the big red button? If only it did something useful, like instruct a flunky to bring you a nice can of refreshing Diet Coke. Instead, we have the wondrous opportunity to witness noted fake academic, Trump obsessive and literal Jihad apologist Reza Aslan looping the lunacy loop.

    Here's MSNBC's Kyle Griffin, who instead of doing a real job spends his time monitoring the President's tweeting habits.

    Even Samwise the Brave managed to filled his shorts about the affair. Oh, and here's your daily reminder that Season 2 of Stranger Things was garbage. Sorry, Sam. Maybe Peter Jackson will make another movie about midgets soon.

    Trump Derangement Syndrome even extends as far as former celebrities like Jamie Lee Curtis, whose last good movie- 1994's 'True Lies'- featured Arnold Schwartzenegger in a Harrier jump jet. That scene involved an Arab terrorist being launched via missile into a helicopter. She also took her clothes off, and no one complained about Islamophobia or misogyny. Ah, the good old days. In any case, Jamie has apparently spent the subsequent two decades drunk out of her tiny mind.

    After all it's only very recently that the supervillain Donald Trump incinerated California by travelling back in time, purchasing and then planting hundreds of acres of flammable eucalyptus trees and then returning to the present to hold an impromptu family barbecue.

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    In the field of psychology, this is known as magical thinking. That is, applying causality between two things. You see this in your own children when they are under seven, they literally believe that their thoughts have a direct effect on reality. Piaget noted that children often express this phenomenon while grieving, the child imagines that they are personally responsible for the death of their loved one.

    We can't blame children for being egocentric little weirdos, after all, they are just children. What can we say about the cavalcade of grown adults who draw parallels between the actions of Mr. Trump and events 10,000 miles away?

    I wonder how many of these actors -who let us not forget, literally play make believe for a living- can also give President Trump credit for a soaring stock exchange, a huge reduction in illegal immigration and a booming job market? If we can blame The Donald for not intervening in situations that have nothing to do with the office of the president, then the actions he actually does take are his responsibility too.

    Liberals. Make your minds up. If Trump is responsible for the bad, he has to be responsible for the good. Or, you could put on your big-boy pants and realize that this is not comic book world, Trump is not Lex Luthor, and Don Lemon is no Clark Kent.

    Ash Sharp

    Ash Sharp

    Editor.