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With the relentless push towards increasing censorship of so-called hate-speech online and in physical reality, it is increasingly likely that you will need a lawyer to defend yourself against state persecution, particularly in Europe. Definitely in the United Kingdom. Please post your best British Police memes in the comments section, Lord knows we need a laugh or two right now.

Of late, the forces of law and order in the United Kingdom have lost their way. No longer investigating crimes that matter the Old Bill focuses on people taking offense at jokes. Now, I'm going to show you some really disturbing stuff next, this is at least as disgusting as the thousands of cases of female genital mutilation in the UK that have never been prosecuted.

The following video is highly shocking and offensive. Please ensure all children or people who sexually identify as children are locked safely away in your panic room before watching.

He told her not to doot. This maverick renegade protestor doots where she pleases! No tree shall be felled without her horn making the dootiest doot of all! Naturally, she was arrested. For what? It doesn't matter, she needs to hire a lawyer anyway. The problem here is that this woman was not reasonable. The police officer told her twice not to doot her horn at the police. Dooting at the police is against the law, because the police officer decided that it was so- but rest assured, liberal English friends, you don't live in a nightmare police state.

It is only reasonable that this person should be taken away by the Commissariat for re-education and sensitivity training about recognizing the governmentally mandated correct time and place when dooting is appropriate. That time and place is when -and only when- The Chosen One, Comrade-Leader Jeremy Corbyn ascends to become Comrade-Prime Minister, to put the Jews to the sword, free Palestine and nationalize your house. Then you may doot. Once. Twice, thou shalt not doot. Thrice is right out! Shine on, you crazy dooter.

Lampoonery aside- I do actually have a point here.

This is the very essence of what the debate on hate speech in the United Kingdom is all about. The policeman took umbrage to the woman and her toy trumpet, and as he also has the power to abuse the law he decided to abuse it- because she was being unreasonable. In the same way, hate speech in the United Kingdom is also applied in such a subjective manner. We have written in these pages on more than one occasion that the unreasonable act of training your dog to impersonate Hitler is illegal in the United Kingdom.

Still, as we are an unreasonable sort of people, we happy Britons, we cannot let a good joke die alone. Step forth satirical news reporter Jonathan Pie, to report on the reports of hate speech that were only brought by one person claiming to represent the interests of every Jewish person in Scotland (all 6000 of them) and led to a two-year court case at the taxpayer's expense where the state destroyed a man's life. Take it away, Jonathan!

Are you offended by a British person goose-stepping, mocking Adolf Hitler? Jonathan Pie is reminding the world that Hitler lived. Not only that, Hitler had opinions that some found to be not nice. Jonathan Pie -which is not even his real name- then, in full knowledge of what he is doing, uses this humor to point out that arresting someone for dog-tricks is moronic. Oh. The humanity.

One wag decided to see what would happen if he pretended that indeed he was offended by people mocking the Fuhrer. It is unreasonable to be amusing about the Nazis, because they weren't very nice people- and everyone knows that mocking absolute bastards has never gotten anyone anywhere.

I am curious as to whether a case can be made against this individual for a crime; no doubt he has done something wrong because you cannot live in Britain without being a transgressor somehow- although for the love of all that is good in the world the Police should not arrest him for this fine trolling. Impersonating a Jewish person for the lulz and wasting 30 seconds of the time of one of the 900 officers employed to prosecute hate crimes in London alone surely cannot be permitted, in the land where comedy has died and laughter is banned.

I spoke to the prankster behind this cruel joke at the bobbies expense, and I plan to use this article to tell the Metropolitan Police just how offended I am on their behalf. Shame on you, anonymous Twitter guy. You have exposed Her Majesty's Constabulary as being a right bunch of losers. Look forward to being the next internet martyr once the leftists weaponize this against you. The future jailbird said:

The police in the UK have a recently been stereotyped as doing everything they can to suppress free speech. Whether it's convicting a man for making an edgy joke with his dog or detaining and deporting journalists with dissenting opinions I wanted to see how far they'd stoop.  Honestly even I didn't expect this. The exact thing that inspired me to message them was this image:

I think the reality of having an objective stance when it comes to speech has deviated away from being objective misdemeanors, (like inciting violence) into crimes that are entirely subjective in nature. I think the phrase "every joke is a tiny revolution" has been taken literally by police as of late and they're purposely trying to clamp down on comedy in case people are offended regardless of whether they actually are or not.

Some could say this is because it threatens the establishments 'progressive worldview' but I just genuinely think we live in a victim culture whereby being offended is somehow currency. I don't think any punishment will be brought on him as I don't wish to pursue this any further. The context for the joke in the first place was CLEARLY laid out. If they were to, for some dystopian reason, follow this up, they'd only confirm their that idea that we live in a censored state.

I think PC culture has taken over, plurality must be pursued at any cost and any time speech that threatens that even satire, will be seen as something that compromises this country’s multicultural utopia. Grooming gangs are hard to deal with, but silencing people who speak about them isn't. This is what I believe will drive people to the right wing; this country’s blatant attempt to restrict our freedoms based around issues the state won't sort out themselves."

I like this guy, you know? He gets it. Good luck to you my friend, keep the giggles coming. This wheeze was canny enough to fool the entirely fictional character of Jonathan Pie on his Twitter account also, which may lead to the curious case of a made-up person needing to hire a real lawyer to defend himself against a fake allegation made by someone who may have been pretending to be Jewish and is also a fictional character on social media. Perhaps we need a cottage-industry of comics pretending to be lawyers that can be hired by comics pretending to be journalists to add a few more Cuil's of Abstraction to the debacle. Maybe we should all pretend to be comics, which is all being a comedian really is, and then make whatever weird jokes we like. That might be a laugh, in court at least.

The serious point -if I can manage to type it out without turning myself in to the authorities for excessive systemically motivated sarcasm- is that this Pythonesque situation stems entirely from what the establishment considers reasonable. Everything that is not reasonable is speech crime. Even dooting a plastic trumpet is hateful. That bigoted lady was both insensitive to people who are hearing impaired who could not hear the doots and might have wished to, thereby feeling excluded, and it could also have easily triggered some form of PTSD in trompetaphobics in the local area. We should not fail to mention that Doot-Woman's most heinous crime is that she deliberately annoyed a policeman; whom it is rumored is hung like a mouse's ear, and has never seen a naked lady.

Furthermore, and I do beg your indulgence as I point out the glaringly obvious political aspect to all this, that when you are arrested for hate crime it is almost certain that that hateful idea in your head is also held by nationalists around the world. Such radical and racist ideas, like free expression being important, and not molly-coddling people because they come from other places on earth, or are homosexuals (or are religiously motivated homophobes) are held by almost all nationalists. Speech crime covers virtually everything that one might say if you are a nationalist (because all nationalists are evil people, obviously), but this is not the case for the alleged progressives and socialists. Punch a Nazi, call for White people to be killed, deny genocide, it doesn't matter. None of it matters, it's all a bit of a giggle when you do it, isn't it? It's just a laugh! Come on right wing snowflakes, it's fun to take a dump on everything with no consequences, enjoy yourselves! The double standard of the nihilistic left is that none of your values matter, but the values that the leftist suspects the oppressed carry are Holy Writ.

Is it hate speech for me to point out that the Police in both these non-cases rushes to the defense of religious minorities without even a second thought? Who in their right mind looks at a picture of two gay people kissing and thinks that it is a police matter? The police do, clearly- though I presume if this case were to be investigated and the two gentlemen kissing under the 'Allah is Gay' signs turn out to be gay Muslims, the officers would have to arrest themselves for both homophobia and religiously motivated harassment. Is it possible that a non-White, non-Christian person could be in the wrong, ever? Would it be possible for us to toss this victim-culture in the trash where it belongs?

We have a lot of problems in this world, none of which would be harmed by treating each other like adults without running to this psychotic nanny-state in tears.

Republic Standard would like to remind everyone that this post-modern and Dadaist magazine actually means the exact opposite of what you think it means, and if you take offense at any of the ideas contained herein you should be tossed from a helicopter onto an unwashed bouncy castle by a man dressed exactly like Augusto Pinochet.

Ash Sharp

by Ash Sharp

Editor.