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Being British can be quite the black pill of late. In the last week or so my mental health state has been in disarray, I've experienced some very nasty anxiety attacks that lasted for over 12 hours. I've been suicidal twice in that time; all the while getting angrier and angrier with the state of my country.

Those who are nearest and dearest to me weren't particularly amused when I finally opened up. I mean how does one articulate as to why they wish to end their existence in a genuine and meaningful way? My brain never truly shuts off, and whilst it's very easy to distract me, the act of being a man, holding myself to account, carrying out my responsibilities means every so often I have to set outside of la la land and expose myself to the darkness. There is an upside to those last two bouts of extreme depression, however. I'm one of those people who, when reaching a state of corrupted being, gets far more efficient at doing things. When drunk or hitting rock bottom I'm able to see things in a very different manner.

The same goes for when I'm sat here in my office, staring at my computer screen, considering how I would go about ending my life with the large knife in the kitchen drawer, and wondering how long it would take someone to clean up the mess after. I will often spend a huge amount of time staring into space, dreaming. Not fantasizing but considering every option whenever I see something wrong with something. For example, I will sit and look at my YouTube analytics- and wonder how I will ever recover the success I once enjoyed.

I consider quitting; my mood will drop lower and lower and then other things will bother me. Then the dark thoughts begin to consume me. If in that moment that I reach what I call tunnel vision, I have someone to talk to me I will swing back up again. The cogs begin to turn and I use the darkness for good. Well, at least I try to, anyway. The biggest criticism of the skeptic, anti-SJW counterculture was that it never provided solutions or really got involved in activism. Understanding this, I have tried to provide the best insight I could to a very mixed crowd of people. Some of my viewers are incredibly cynical and quite frankly I don't blame you. Others try to improve upon my own ideas -which I love by the way- and others can have a mixed response. I see no issue with any response to be honest so long as engagement happens, it gets me excited. The conversation at least for now is the most important thing.

For as long as I've been a video creator I have watched these videos wherein people have gone out with a smartphone or more sophisticated tech to stream protests, or debate people in the street. As someone who experiences extreme anxiety when trying to leave the house on my own, this has been nothing but a pipe dream for me. That said- I'm going to propose a solution to all so that it can be held to criticism for improvement or be disregarded.  I am trying to think of a solution to the Free Speech problem here in the UK. Advocating for guns will not work. That will never happen, not at least for another generation or so in the United Kingdom. Some have suggested to me that I should move to America. Whilst I love that idea, I cannot abandon my country just yet, nor is that a real solution. In the last video, I also proposed uniting the right here in the UK. I forget that I have an incredibly diverse group of subscribers who sit all over the political spectrum and that idea can rub them the wrong way.

My solution is this. The heat can never be turned down on those with the power to repeal hate speech laws. Tweeting, calling, emailing, letter writing, protest in person if you are able. Those in power must never be allowed to forget that we the people want our freedom. This doesn't just go for us either. Every time there's even a sniff that our freedom is under threat, whether it’s the UK, Canada or even America we must always make it perfectly clear that without freedom of speech and expression there is no point of having a civilized society.

As an added extension to the previous statement, creators or consumers of content should look to flood the internet with counter-cultural content. This means sharing, liking, engaging, with not just videos but articles from alternative media, getting involved in the conversation. We've recently discovered that sites like YouTube throttle content like mine by classifying me and others as "Mature", thus ensuring our reach is limited by not putting us in suggestions. YouTube unsubscribes you from me and others; it hides my content from you. Whether you like me and my content is irrelevant here. There's plenty of choice in this genre for you to support should you wish. This isn't about me and my content. If you believe we have a message worth hearing and engaging with then get involved. No more lurking.

I will address those who do not sit on the right in a moment, but in terms of 'uniting the right' here is what I believe should happen, specifically here in the United Kingdom. For Britain, Britain First and the remnants of UKIP need to get together, sat at the table to come together as one unified party. No more street protests, no more carrying around crucifixes and shouting at people- no more role-play. These groups need to sit down at the table, find common ground and create a populist manifesto, recruit members, elect a leader and get boots on the ground campaigning.

They need to carry out the necessary research and push policies that matter to the people. Only then can they ever hope to compete against the two main parties of this country.

For those who sit elsewhere on the political spectrum, there are plenty of other fringe parties out there worth supporting. The Pirate Party for example who believe in freedom of speech and expression and the protection of the internet from governmental regulation. Just do your best to get involved. No one is served by you keeping your mouth shut.

There is also something I’d like to discuss whilst you are here. I am now considering forming a team of British YouTubers to work alongside me so I can live stream events like protests around the country. At the moment it’s just an idea, and much discussion is yet to be had so I will keep you up to date. Quite frankly I need to start getting out there. This isn't just to protest Islam and promote nationalism, but also to help me finally defeat my mental health issues so I can become a better man, father, and creator.

But what do you guys think? Let me know down in the comments below.

Alex B

by Alex B

Free Speech advocate. Anti-PC. Youtuber. social commentator. Pro West.